walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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