I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
