Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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