Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
