I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
