I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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