Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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