I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
