upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
