Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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