Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
