If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
