i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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