I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
