I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
