dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
