I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
