Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
