Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
