Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
