its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
