his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
