Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
