I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
