her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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