I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
