I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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