is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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