Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
