You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
