dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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