Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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