My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
