my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
