maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
