dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
