i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
