Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
