Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
