I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
