4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
