First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
