I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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