college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
