I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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