I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
