I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
