The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
