Well apparently he's into motor boating.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
