i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
